Comparing Two SIL Homes: What to Look For

Two good homes is a harder problem than one bad one

When one house is clearly wrong you know within ten minutes. The difficult decision is the one families actually face: two homes that both looked clean, both had friendly staff, and both said yes. A week later nobody can remember which one had the bigger bedroom, and the decision starts drifting towards whichever provider rang most recently.

The fix is to compare on the few things that turn out to matter after the first month, and to write them down on the day rather than from memory.

Compare the people before the property

The building barely changes. The people in it change everything. Who already lives here, what ages are they, what does a typical evening sound like in the lounge room, and is the person you are supporting likely to find that comfortable or exhausting.

Ask the same three questions at both houses and note the answers side by side: how long have the current residents lived here, how many staff cover this house in a normal fortnight, and how long have those staff been with this house. A settled household with settled staff is worth more than a newer building, and our piece on choosing housemates in SIL explains why compatibility does most of the work.

Compare the nights, not just the days

Every tour happens in the middle of the day, which is the part of the schedule that is easiest to run well. Ask both homes the same night question: who is here overnight, are they awake or asleep, and what happens when two people need help at the same time at 3am.

The answers will differ, sometimes sharply, and that difference matters more than a second bathroom. Our explanation of overnight support in a shared home covers what the different arrangements mean in practice.

Compare the week the person would actually have

Not the activities on offer, the week that would genuinely happen. Where is the nearest bus stop or station and how far is the walk. Can somebody get to their day program, their family, their gym or their mosque without a two-hour round trip. Is there a shop within reach for an ordinary errand.

One home ten minutes further from a station can quietly cost hours a week for years. Write down travel time from each house to the three places the person goes most often. That single comparison decides more than most tours do.

Compare the room itself, honestly

Stand in the actual bedroom, not the one they are showing as an example. Does the person's own furniture fit, is there room for the equipment they use, and can they get to the bathroom the way they move now rather than the way they moved two years ago.

Light and noise are underrated. A bedroom facing the driveway, or sharing a wall with the lounge room, is a different proposition for someone who needs quiet. Sit in it for two minutes without talking and listen.

Write it down before you leave the street

Sit in the car and score both houses on the same six lines while it is fresh: the housemates, the staff, the nights, the travel, the bedroom, and the honest gut feeling. Give each a mark out of five and one sentence of why.

Do this at both homes and the comparison makes itself. Memory rewrites tours within days, usually in favour of whichever house had the nicest kitchen. Notes do not. If you want a fuller list of what to look at while you are there, our guide to preparing for a first home visit covers the tour itself.

When both still look equal

Ask each provider the same closing question: what would make you tell us this placement is not working. A provider with a real answer is watching. A provider who says it will be fine is not.

Then ask whether an overnight stay is possible before a decision. A night in the house tells you more than any tour.

Frequently asked questions

How many homes should we look at before deciding?

Two or three is usually enough, and more than four tends to blur rather than clarify. What matters is that you see them within a short window and compare them on the same questions. If the first home is clearly right, seeing a second still helps, because it gives you something to measure against rather than a decision made without a reference point.

Should the person moving in come on the tour?

Yes, wherever possible, and their reaction is real information even when they cannot put it into words. Some people find a full tour overwhelming, so a short first visit followed by a longer second one often works better. Their view on the housemates matters more than an adult's view on the kitchen, because they are the one who has to live there.

Can we visit more than once before committing?

You can, and a second visit at a different time of day is one of the most useful things you can do. A weekday morning and a weekday evening show two different houses. Most providers will accommodate this, and an overnight or short trial stay is common before a placement is confirmed.